Fail Blog

I am not well acquainted with crushing defeat. I set my goals, make my plans and get to work, and at the end of the day, I usually get what I want out of life. Maybe this is because I only set my sights on things I know I can achieve and I don't dream too far out of the box. Maybe I only reach for the clouds and not the stars because when I was younger and my all-consuming dream was to be an actress and director (this is the girl who organized her cousins into mini-productions at the grandparents' house, that I wrote, complete with costumes, sets, and occasionally singing), and I was told I'm just not pretty enough to be an actress, and I should aim for something more reasonable. But that's a blog for another day.

When I was in elementary, I wanted to do Post-Secondary Enrollment in high school and take college classes then. I did, and I was the only student in my Junior class who made it into the program. Then I wanted to go to Bemidji State for graphic design. I did that too, and got a couple more emphasis on top of it. I wanted to drive a 2000 Honda Civic, with a stick shift - and I do drive it, when it's not in the shop. I wanted to live in Minneapolis, and work at a particular design firm there, and both of those things happened. I got the internship at least five of my classmates were competing for.

And here's where the crushing disappointment comes in. My boss told me Monday that my internship would not be extended into permanent employment. Through no fault of my own; I've been a fabulous employees and an asset to the company these last few months. But, Corporate is holding out on the fundage. I believe I babbled semi-coherently about this on Monday.

I am sad to be leaving. I like it here, I like the people. I like the neighborhood. I'm frustrated because I feel like I've been working my ass off all summer, and for what? I'm scared because I hate job hunting, and what happens if I can't find a job right away? I can't afford to be unemployed.

And a small part of me is excited and optimistic; this is a chance to start fresh, to go somewhere new. To have a mini-adventure. All those other emotions are drowning out the happy part right now.

I'm also happy because for some bizzare-ass reason, despite all the turmoil in my life, I'm sleeping full nights again. And I'm unhappy because my stomach is acting up and I lost my roll of Tums.

In unrelated news; this man is my hero (link here)



Cheers,
Alette



"Act as if it were impossible to fail." - Dorothea Brande